Santa – The Criminal

Being Santa probably means we can forgive the odd misdemeanour. However, when you actually start to think about the Christmas Eve delivery process, the big man starts to rack up a fair number of potentially criminal offences. Some of his conduct, if committed by one of us lesser mortals, would no doubt end up in a trip to the cells and a seat in the dock down at the Sheriff Court.

I’ve never been, but from the available evidence (‘Santa Claus The Movie’ and ‘Elf’), the working conditions for elves are arguably tantamount to modern slavery. Working round the clock in cramped conditions, with no suggestion of a living wage would not be permitted in any ordinary circumstances. I don’t recall mention of any risk assessments either! The Health and Safety Executive would have an absolute field day if they were to conduct an inspection of the workshop. Although, no doubt the Health and Safety at Work Act 1974 is night time reading for Mrs Claus. Enforcement Notices probably don’t darken the workshop’s door.

Then we consider the delivery of the presents to the children of the world. It’s hard to be too critical but if the sleigh is fitted with a speedometer, I think we would find one or two contraventions of the Road Traffic Act 1988. Let’s face it, he’s not stopping for red lights is he?! Does he even have a licence? Insurance? I imagine the premiums would be pretty “deer”… Is the sleigh an HGV? No doubt the requisite licences have all been obtained and the Traffic Commissioner is on side.

Those familiar with the Work at Height Regulations 2005 would have to be appalled by the reckless practices adopted when clambering about rooftops looking for chimneys to drop down. Not a harness in sight, no nets installed, definitely no scaffolding!

Then we have the fact that a grown man, with a large bag, is breaking into people’s homes in the middle of the night. Housebreaking anyone?! He’s prone to being rather clumsy too, knocking over Christmas trees and the like…. arguably vandalism. Just saying…  It would, of course, be rude of him to resist a nibble on the cookies and dram of brandy that has been lovingly left out for him. I wonder how many households wake up on Christmas morning to a half empty glass following a visit from the big lad. He has to be getting through a couple of gallons. The breathalyser readings would make for interesting reading!

That’s not even the half of it, but nobody wants to be a Grinch……

All, I’m saying is if the law enforcement agencies start taking a look at our favourite bearded man’s practices, there could be a few empty stockings on Christmas morning. I don’t want these kind of thoughts to snowball however so let’s just agree that he can do what he likes, exempt from prosecution. However, we’re not all as lucky as Santa, so if you do find yourself on the police naughty list, our expert is on hand to help on – 0141 375 1222.